The Dark Descent of Billy

Well, I mostly made this blog as just a one off joke, but now that everyone and their mother(don't you DARE, Goops) has one I might as well use it.

This post is mostly just to archive some info so I don't forget it.



Picture it, October 3, 2011. I was in my improvisational theatre class. All was well in the world. The current scene was a gal pleading for her friend to carpool with her so she wouldn't have to ride the bus. She wanted to avoid this guy that would always stare at her.

So then I start the next scene as that guy.

I jut out my neck and bulge my eyes as hard as I can. Back and forth with the guy I'm improv-ing with establishes "Billy"'s eyes are medical condition. There two sizes to big for the sockets. Then the guy makes the gal from the prior scene Billy's love interest. Oh and we also practice looking at someone, and then looking away. THis just ends up making Billy creepier.

Next scence Billy, the guy, and the love interest are on the school bus together. After a great deal of staring, Billy's friend trying to get him psyched up, and the occasional interruption of the grumbling bus driver: He asks her out.

And then she screams.

Flashforward: Ten years. The three find themselves on the bus again. Billy's grown out his bangs to try and make his freakish eyes less noticable. Age has made the bos driver even crankier. Billy's friend tries to psyche him up to ask The Love Interst out. Billy doesn't think he can face that rejection again. The struggle becomes a moot point as the situation is diffused by The Love Interest asking to copy his homework.

Still being a total doormat, Billy agrees.

Flashforward: Party at "Matt"'s

Billy is being generally akward and trying not to look at anyone. His friend all but drags him over to The Love Interest and her friend. We are intercepted by the party thrower, Matt.(who is also the bus driver, but that's not important!) He has THE douchebaggiest expression.

"Hello, Billy."

With as much subtle venom as I can muster.

"Hello, Matt."

Billy's friend tries to diffuse the situation by getting The Love Interest and friend involved in the conversation. Matt and Billy continue to stare at each other.

Billy's Friend suddenly professes Billy's love for The Love Interest.

Akward silence ensues. But is quickly broken by The Love Interest and Her Friend caliming to be lesbian lovers.

A brief summerization of events that do not have to directly do with Billy:

Matt becomes a body builder as part of challenge. Matt becomes so buff, he cannot articulate his limbs ebough to look at his watch. He ends up tearing a muscle. Flashforward ten years. Matt is now in a wheelchair and working at a daycare. Girl who's shoes he wouldn't tie gets him fired.

Ten Years After The Events At the Party For Billy:

Billy and The Love Interest run into each other riding a city bus.

TLI:Oh, hey! Billy.  How's life been treating you?"

Billy: Oh, fine. I'm an optometrist now. What have you been up to?"

TLI: "Oh, I'm a...dancer."(unsavory implications are risen.)

Akward Silence.

Billy: "My, you've gotten fat."

Sometime later.
Guy: "Where did you hide the body?"

Sauve!Billy:"What body?"

Guy:"Where were you the eightteenth?"

Savue!Billy:Maybe I was at the docks? Maybe I was here? Wouldn't you like to know?"

Guy: "How'd you even get on my private island? Are you a some kind of spy or something?"

Sauve!Billy(still with huge bulging eyes,): "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Police Officer": "Are you really going to deny you killed Billy?"

Guy:"...Who's Billy?"

"Police Officer":"Why'd you do it?"

Guy:"Why would you think I did this?"

"Police Officer": Didn't you have the most to gain, investing millions in his newest invention of laserdisc eye surgery?"

End Scene Enter Vocieover.(Meanwhile back at The Evil League of Evil)

"Little did he know that the Police Officer was really Final Bass, Walleye Billy's top enforcer. And that Walleye Billy, AKA Billy the Fish, AKA Chickenfingers was alive and well."