+Accesing PARTY system...+
+You have one new message; message title: "Hello." from user J
They thought they were making a better world.
Monday, December 24, 2012
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE
+Attention! One new PARTY message recieved+
+Accesing PARTY system...+
+You have one new message; message title: "Hello." from user J
+Accesing PARTY system...+
+You have one new message; message title: "Hello." from user J
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Old vignette I wrote years ago
We lived here once.
My
memory, as the others, is spotty at best. Random flashes of a time before
I remember the laughter I shared here. It was different
then. Louder. I miss all the different cacophony of sounds that once filled the
air. I’d prefer any noise over this absolute silence. It feels like it’s
swallowed us whole. Eating us away. Eating us away little by little. Pieces of
me are long since gone. We’ve all been picked clean. Nothing left but
It was so much more cluttered here once, with things packed
so tightly everywhere as if to evoke a feeling of claustrophobia. It was so
different from this featureless waste. There’s nothing left, but sand now.
Nothing to look at now, so we all stare into the endless horizon, the sun
harshly bearing down on us as we trundle forever across the sand. We’ve walked
for so long, but have an eternity to go. Never stopping. Never resting. Why are
we the ones to suffer? When will we finally be allowed to
I’ve fallen. The others continue on, not sparing a glance,
until one jerkily stops and offers a hand. A bony hand. My own bleached arm
clasps its. As it pulls me up we stare into each others featureless sockets and
suddenly I remember. We’re nothing more than skeletons held together by sheer
force of memory. We’re nothing more than d
We lived once.
Friday, December 14, 2012
The Imaginarium Librarium
Starring
The sheep
Species: sheep.
Age: ?
Sex: ?
Eyes: Boring into your soul
Other Names: That God Damn Sheep, Perdurabo, Little Eater of Dead Gods, Oh God What Is It Doing Make It Go Away
Origin: Original character
Origin: Original character
Text Color: It has no text color. Because it's a sheep. And sheep don't talk.
Home: ?
Likes: ?
Dislikes: ?
Full Body Pic: [DATA EXPUNGED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE]
Quote: "Baaa."
Theme: Underbelly
Theme: Underbelly
A source of both equal fascination and horror to the bar. Little is known about its intentions, and even less as to what it is.
Ate its mother. Not that seems to have stopped her.
Abilities
*???
*MAKE IT STOP
*ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts
*WHY, OH GOD, WHY
*SCIENCE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY
*PEOPLE DO NOT DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED
*GRIMDARK INCOMING
*My father killed me. My mother ate me. My sister gathered up all my bones...
*YOU WERE WARNED
Items of Note
*The Golden Sphere of Setti: A powerful artifact from an alien planet; makes the sheep exactly four times bigger and stronger; A powerful drawback to this item is that it also increases the user's negative qualities by four times; hasn't been seen since the sheep's last Fite
*Zwill Crossblade: obtained after nearly killing Rain, who was using it as a weapon; Eaten
Random Trivia:"Sheep. How do they even work?"
Father SquidSpecies: Mutated Human
Age: 69
Sex: Male
Eyes: Jet black
Other Names: Sargeant Squidface, Squiddy, Terror of Flea Markets Everywhere
Origin: Inspired by the Father Squid of the series Wild Cards
Text Color: Black as
Home: Our Lady of Suffering Church in ZoofFights City, New York
Likes: peace, being of use, conversation, children, warm weather and rain
Dislikes: hate, strife, the past, himself
Full Body Pic:http://s1116.photobucket.com/albums/k568/M_Sheep/?action=view¤t=FatherSquid.jpg
Quote: "I know I'm going to Hell. But I've resolved to do as much good as I can on my way there."
A man who has reinvented himself several times over the course of his life. This old man consumed by guilt heads the Our Lady of Suffering Church, assisted by Sister Alice whom he appears to have some sort of secret deal with.
Father Squid was born in the early days after the viral bombings across the east coast of the U.S., among the general panic of the populace in the wake of mutations arising from the biological attack. A mutant at birth, his biological parents promptly dumped him off at a church run orphanage where he resided until adulthood. A nun gave him the name Andrew. While there was always a rift between him and the other normal children, Father Squid was never exactly bullied. Being twice the size of the other children and built like a bull generally discouraged that. But the isolation took its toll. With only the church adults and books for for company, he matured quickly but remained very socially akward well into his adulthood.
In his young adult life he became amased in mutant culture and cast off his old name, taking on the mutant name: Squidface. Served in the Vietnam War. Afterwards, Squidface dropped off the radar for three years before becoming an active participating member in the mutant extremist terrorist group Evolutione Solutos.
Spent several years traveling the world and reading the work of great philosophers. Became a priest.
Smells faintly of the sea.
Abilities:
*Pretty Spry For An Old Guy: Father Squid's body remembers its military training despite how much he wishes to forget.
*Might of The Leviathan: Father Squid has often demonstrated what might be labeled as feats of superhuman strength, even in his senior years.
*Knowledge of the Ancients: Father Squid is well read and familiar with many different walks of life.
*Berserker Rage: Really more of a liability than an aid
*Meditation
*Gift of Gab: Father Squid can talk up a storm like noone's business, and is rarely caught without a way to talk his way out of a situation. Of course, he's talked his way into just as many.
*Knowledge of the Ancients: Father Squid is well read and familiar with many different walks of life.
*Berserker Rage: Really more of a liability than an aid
*Meditation
*Gift of Gab: Father Squid can talk up a storm like noone's business, and is rarely caught without a way to talk his way out of a situation. Of course, he's talked his way into just as many.
Notable Possesions
*Hidden Weapons Cache: hidden within labyrinthine catacombs and tunnels beneath the Our Lady of Suffering Church; one of the many weapons being a minigun unseen since the Father's debut Fite
*Modded Anti Material Rifle: custom made trigger to fit Father Squid's giant hands
*Modded Anti Material Rifle: custom made trigger to fit Father Squid's giant hands
*Military Chopper: Seen once when he bet it against a large sum of money
*Large Sum of Money: Status unknown; smart money's on charity
*Large Sum of Money: Status unknown; smart money's on charity
Anatomy of a Mutant:
Father Squid is giant among, standing well over thirteen feet and just thoroughly massive. Due to mutations in his penial gland, Father Squid will never stop growing. His skin is green tinted and he's entirely hairless, as well as lacking toe and fingernails. He has a nictating membrane instead of the usual mammalian eyelid. His irises are as dark as pupils from Aniridia, resulting in massive sight-loss with age.
In place of a nose, Father Squid has a mass of flexible and reactive growths resembling tentacles that hang over and obscure his mouth. Lacks earlobes.
He has a series of circular scars going up the underside of his forearms and legs; these are vestigial suckers
His body is under significant strain. Human bodies were not designed to get this big. His legs are utterly messed up.
Father Squid can hold his breath for thirty-eight minutes. He has a second set of underdeveloped lungs merged to his fully functioning primary set of lungs. His kidneys are half as efficient as a regular human.
He smells faintly of the sea.
Sister Alice
Species: ?
Age: Old
Sex: Female
Eyes: White with blindness; formerly Blue
Other Names: Black Alice, Hag
Origin: Original character
Text Color: A particularly frigid Blue
Home: Our Lady of Suffering Church
Likes: ?
Dislikes: Everything
Full Body Pic: Do you really want one?
Quote: "When everything else rots away. When everything else is taken from you. Hate endures."
Theme: The World of Midnight
Theme: The World of Midnight
WALL!!
Species: Anthropomorphic personification
Age: He's not telling.
Sex: 100% male, LADIES~
Eyes: sandstone brick
Other Names:
Origin:
Text Color: Sandy Broseph Brown, dude
Home: Apartment
Likes: booze, women, hats, and Shuma Gorath
Dislikes:
Quote:
Theme: Dare To Be Stupid
A jolly if sophmoric monster with the ability to posses anything percieved as a wall. He abuses the heck out this power at every possible oppertunity. He loves women, liquor, hats, and is Shuma Gorath's biggest fan. Not the sharpest piece of sentient masonry around, he shows a disconnect from reality that borders on disturbing...
Species: Anthropomorphic personification
Age: He's not telling.
Sex: 100% male, LADIES~
Eyes: sandstone brick
Other Names:
Origin:
Text Color: Sandy Broseph Brown, dude
Home: Apartment
Likes: booze, women, hats, and Shuma Gorath
Dislikes:
Quote:
Theme: Dare To Be Stupid
A jolly if sophmoric monster with the ability to posses anything percieved as a wall. He abuses the heck out this power at every possible oppertunity. He loves women, liquor, hats, and is Shuma Gorath's biggest fan. Not the sharpest piece of sentient masonry around, he shows a disconnect from reality that borders on disturbing...
Species: ?
Age: 393
Sex: Neither
Eyes: two(2) occular units of obscene complexity; usually a dull mustard yellow color but tends to change when accessing further functions and utilities of Logos Drive
Other Names: Funkatron 3000, Funkatron, Funkotron, Calgon, Rainbow-bot, Rainbow-music-bot, Lite-Brite, Beep, Teddy, Ampelmännchen
Origin: Original character
Origin: Original character
Text Color: ALL THE COLORS, ALL OF THEM
Home: ?
Likes: sound of all kinds, bright and garish colors, excitement, freedom, learning, origami, Lady Purnima
Dislikes: war, meat, digestive systems, bullies, being idle, scientists who do not take responsibility for what they create
Full Body Pic: http://i1116.photobucket.com/albums/k568/M_Sheep/THINGS/mannen.png, (art credited to karen of ConceptArt.org)
Quote:"I^IIIII"
Theme Beautiful Days
Some thing that can be seen bursting into existence with a rainbow flash at the King of Beasts. It has suprisingly human-looking hands, which really only make its appearance more jarring. It has been observed moving its hands at speeds beyond the human eye a well pulling things out of thin air with a signature rainbow shimmer.
Designs pan-dimensional tech for The Factory. Speaks in incomprehensible, teeth-setting auto tune.
No one's really sure what's up with this guy and the language barrier doesn't help.
Abilities:
*Hyperspace Arsenal Utility: A pocket dimension outside the time stream accessible to Blik at any time; each of its kind have their own personal HAU; essentially where he stores his truly impressively massive amounts of random crap
Current Contents:
-1x untuned ukelele
-56x various ink pens of all kinds
-1x large ornate carved oak desk
-1x small lime green table lamp
-2x apple pies; fresh and still warm
-1x yellow bus sign from Hoboken, New Jersey
-14x green colored pencils; green colored pencils are a highly prized gag gift item in its culture
-1x curved handle bamboo cane
-1x paper 4th of July themed tophat
-6 spoons
-3 forks
-8x six-sided die
-3x twenty-sided die
-4,082x buttons of all kinds
-789x keys; has no idea what locks any of them go to
-1x padlock; has no key to it
-2x pair of boots
-1x rubber chicken
-1x purple bowling ball
-59x kettles of various sorts
-1x beret
-1x fake mustache
-1x tuba
-3x clarinets
-1x trumpet
-2x accordians
-1x gold jewel encrusted goblet
-384x pocketwatches
-802x clocks; 19x of which are grandfather clocks
-1x brick of fruitcake
-1x portable trebuchet
-1x 1980s boombox
-1x aluminum space age chair
-3x wooden chairs
-1x shovel
-5x doorknobs
-16x Mardi Gra beaded necklaces
-1x purple yo-yo
-1x man-sized carboard box
-1x tuning fork
-8,417,863x 4"x4" felt affixed hinged boxes of various individual colors
-1x brass candleholder
-6x candles
-749x various in-progress blueprints of multi-dimensional technology
-33x completed blueprints for multi-dimensional technology
-1x halogen mining lamp
-1x jade hairpin
-1x Trans-dimensional space/time stream measuring instrument; a glorified pocketwatch that's horribly confusing to read
-1x silver claw footed bathtub
-1x pumkin
-3x squash
-1x sweet potato
-1x child sized coffin; locked
-116x miscellaeous party items such as streamers, favors, noisemakers, etc
-8,752,148x sheets of paper; 2,894,516x have things written or printed on them
-410 tons of pink origami paper
-1YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO VIEW THIS CONTENT. PLEASE SHUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER AND REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE. A FACTORY REPRESENTATIVE WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMPLIANCE.
kin written on by Devil Ed
-1x grand piano made entirely from folded origami paper; fully functioning
-1x chainsword; formerly belonged to the slain dread pirate Captain Urkathos
*Dimensional Teleportation: Can travel instantaneously over miniscule to truly massive distances and across dimensions.
*Personal Gravity/Pressure: Blik's mody maintains the same gravity and pressurization no matter where it is.
*Metalog Filing System: Metalogged lifeforms have their energy and soul signatures, biological systems, and dimensional ocuupation ans coordinates added to the Archives; their state of helath and location are updated in real time, and these records can be accesed by Blik remotely at any time; Files that are Metalogged by Blik can only be accesed remotely by it, unless the file is given multiple remote codekey access by Blik or its homeworld authorities; can be accesed directly through the Archives by any of Blik's race.
Lady Purnima Rahshama
Species: Kapoor
Age: [REDACTED]
Sex: Maiden
Eyes: Grey
Other names: Warpdamned Xenos Bitch, Errant Codpiece, Sack of Opium and Fat, Jahām̐ Bhūta, The Mark, Princess of Trash, (*)
Text Color: A Schizophrenic Pink
Home: A touchy subject
Home: A touchy subject
Likes:
Dislikes:
Full Body Pic:
A Deadly Efficent designer, from weapon systems to dress styles, and coworker of Blik. A minor member of royalty, seventeenth daughter of the emperor of her homeland, and 291st in succession for the throne. Rarely seen without her red hand fan and her long handled pipe, but rarely seen in the same outfit either. Perhaps the best word to describe this giant grub is 'excitable'. She means well, but her forceful personality often leaves those around her caught up in the whirlwind of a passionate young maiden's heart.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
[DATA EXPUNGED]
The Fiddlers Street Irregulars
Species:
Age: Old enough to know better, young enough not to care
Sex: Gentleman
Eyes: Two moonlit pools
Other Names: The Professor, The Dancing Shadow with Eyes and Teeth
Text Color:Tainting Purple
Home: Originally from Louisiana, but a true traveller at heart.
Likes: Helping those in need
Dislikes: Interrupted business
Full Body Pic: Look down
Quote: "Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?"
A shady figure, both figuratively and literally, and always willing to make a deal. Providing you can pay the price. He's a travelling salesman selling what you want most. You can trust him, he's a doctor! Quite possibly every salesman stereoarchetype rolled into one. Unfortunately, he does not have the longest name of the characters on my roster. His name sounds kind of made up.
Stan Ligature
Species: Construct
Age: 22
Sex: Male
Eyes: Soul-devoid black
Other names: The Amazing Toadboy!, Accountant Frog, The Worst Newscaster in The World
Text Color: Boring Black
Home: ZooFights City, USA
Likes:.....News?
Dislikes:....Um...We'll get back to you on that
Full Body Pic: He's used that same mugshot for years
Manju Verma [Deceased]
Species: Kapoor
Age: 38
Sex: Male
Eyes: Grey
Other names: The Unbreakable Blade
Text Color: Steadfast Blue-Green
Home: At his Lady's side
Likes: Purima, honor, chivalry, skill
Dislikes: dishonorable conduct, liars, and anything that would threaten his Lady or his people
Quote:"I would crawl all the way back up from Hell itself, if my Lady commanded it."
Dr. Goosebrackle
Species: Human
Age: 58
Sex: Male
Eyes: a warm brown
Other names: That idiot who tried to kill Erebus; The Friendliest Killer in the World, Dr. Al Roker
Text Color: Harmless Black
Likes:Killing Erebus, children, animals, food
Likes:
Dislikes: A living Erebus, conflict
Quote: "I'm sorry to bother you like this, sir, but could you please die?"
A doctor at Curaga General who caught caught up in some nasty mind control business. Really not that great of a doctor. Technically, a pediatritian who got hired due to the ZooFights Corporation snatching up all the talent in the area. A middle-aged stout fellow with a jolly air about him, and a practicing Buddhist, pacifistic, vegetarian.
A doctor at Curaga General who caught caught up in some nasty mind control business. Really not that great of a doctor. Technically, a pediatritian who got hired due to the ZooFights Corporation snatching up all the talent in the area. A middle-aged stout fellow with a jolly air about him, and a practicing Buddhist, pacifistic, vegetarian.
Emperor Aadesh Anuttam Abirij Ajaatshatru Amitabh Akanksha Amitbikram Arunachaleshwara-RahshamaSpecies: Kapoor
Age: 48
Sex: Male
Eyes: cutting dark
Other names: Arok, Emperor A. A. A. Rashama, Ainesh (The Sun's Glory)
Likes: Purnima
Dislikes: Purnima
Quote: "I love you. Go and never come back."
Current Emperor and ruler of the Great Kapoor Empire, and Purnima's father. He loved his wife very much.
High Priestess Aghanashini Rahshama
Species: Kapoor
Age: 39
Sex: Female
Eyes:
Other names: The Prodigal Daughter, Face of The Moon
Likes:
Dislikes:
Quote:
Lord Colonel Ekaant Rahshama
Species: Kapoor
Age: 26
Sex: Male
Eyes: Military Grade Optic
Other names: The Iron Lord, The Darkhorse Prince, Reaper General,
Likes:
Dislikes:
Quote:
Lord Bankimchandra RahshamaSpecies: Kapoor
Age: 32
Sex: Male
Eyes: Brown
Other names: Chandra
Likes: "England culture", Europe, Shakespeare, Theatre, Buildings
Dislikes: Poorly designed buildings, Being called Chandra,
Quote:
?
Species: Cube
Age: ?
Sex: Cube
Eyes: Non-Euclidean
Other names: That shifty tetra-eyed cube
Home: Cardboard Alley
Likes: Wealth, rare and anomalous items, Karzantium
Dislikes: Manshu Verma, Purnima, hands
Names on Blik's PARTY Roster
Memn
Species:
Age:
Sex:
Eyes:
Other names:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Quote:
Nines
Species:
Age:
Sex:
Eyes:
Other names:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Quote:"I don't think this is a good idea.."
Purnima Rahshama
-see main Purnima entry in Starring section
[REDACTED]
+ERROR: No such entry exists+
J
Spe#aeetiuo$@&*
I'd prefer a little privacy, thank you.-J
Last Light Hospital
A small but productive medical institution specializing in mutant treatment and research. Defunct since Albrecht's death.
A small but productive medical institution specializing in mutant treatment and research. Defunct since Albrecht's death.
The Staff
Dr. Albrecht [DECEASED]
Species: Mutated Human
Age: 22
Sex: Male
Eyes: Brown, right eye replaced with a cybernetic prosthetic that emits a red light
Other names:
Likes: Intellect, skill, puzzles, experimentation, silence, and hard workers
Dislikes: Random chance, unfairness, ignorance, incompetence, soft-heartedness, pity, whining, uncomfortable chairs, waiting, ethics, and people
Dr. February
Species:..Uh....Maybe.....Human?
Age:?
Sex: Male?
Eyes: filmy white-blue
Other names: ?
Likes: Dead bodies
Dislikes:
Nondescript man
Species: eh, just some guy
Age: probably twenties..ish...maybe
Sex: didn't leave much of an impression
Other names: That one guy who frustrates Goops, That guy with the glasses
A bespectacled assistant of Dr. Albrecht's, often seen in proximity to the doctor. He killed Ernesto Delgada, a super-tough mutant, via a high powered anti-material rifle from nearly halfway across the city. He seemed to be in on Dr. February's plot to murder Dr. Albrecht after opening an illegal UTG under Tenenbaum Gardens.
He's just some guy, you know?
Those guys who work at Denny's
Greg Papermaster
-Senior Manager, Jewish
Betty Whit
-Waitress who's hand suffered the ministrations of Sister Alice
Mark Freeter
-The New Guy
Johannes "Hank" Saberhaggan
-Special Operations
Bub Barkley
-Religious Fry Cook
-In touch with his feelings
Shaquila Laguanella
-That One Server Hank Dislikes
-Also a Jaguar
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
In other News
If one were to try and transcribe Blik's language into a written medium, this is probably as close as you could get.
http://adamlaskowitz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/applebaum-Metaphysics_of_Notation.jpg
The sheer bulk of data being transmitted in a typical expressed idea as conveyed by a member of Blik's race is too much for even Purnima to understand without extensive artificial means. Essentially, Blik has been actually speaking a shorthand derivitive of his language in all bar appearances*
*A language based on means Blik's race used to communicate to outside dimensions before The Three Hour War, as codified by Purnima Rahshama and Blik
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Old Unreliable
So folks may or may not have noticed I've been sort of drifting in and out of scenes like some ghost lately. Perhaps the most noticiable being Purnima's excitement about a birthday party, and then no more posts about it.
Muffy, my grandmother's cat, is very ill and is dieing. She's a mixbreed Maine Coon at the ripe old age of ninteen years. So no one can argue that she hasn't had a good run. But it's upsetting all the same. Especially for my Grandmother, and I practically grew up beside that cat. Cantankerous prideful thing that she is, as cat are, I love her and I'll miss her. Loosing a pet is always hard, and loosing anyone is taxing through a long procees like this.
Anyway, getting back on track here. I've been busy taking care of an invalid Muffy and helping my Grandmother through the process of saying goodbye. So a lot of the time, I'm either suddenly too busy or just in no mood to write. Perhaps the feelings it dredges up are of the decline and death of my dear dog Sammy nearly half a year ago. I've lost pets before, but that one hurt. She was my baby.
But forgive my meangerings. In short: I've been busy, not feeling like writing, and I'm throwing this up 'cuz it's my darn blog and maybe it'll give me a little closure for Sammy's death.
PS,
Oh right. The flooding in the basement has been fixed now as well. Tree roots getting in the sewer lines in hot weather like its been, looking for water. Carpet has been thoroughly shampooed, thank you Rug Doctor. Now to get everything back together.
Muffy, my grandmother's cat, is very ill and is dieing. She's a mixbreed Maine Coon at the ripe old age of ninteen years. So no one can argue that she hasn't had a good run. But it's upsetting all the same. Especially for my Grandmother, and I practically grew up beside that cat. Cantankerous prideful thing that she is, as cat are, I love her and I'll miss her. Loosing a pet is always hard, and loosing anyone is taxing through a long procees like this.
Anyway, getting back on track here. I've been busy taking care of an invalid Muffy and helping my Grandmother through the process of saying goodbye. So a lot of the time, I'm either suddenly too busy or just in no mood to write. Perhaps the feelings it dredges up are of the decline and death of my dear dog Sammy nearly half a year ago. I've lost pets before, but that one hurt. She was my baby.
But forgive my meangerings. In short: I've been busy, not feeling like writing, and I'm throwing this up 'cuz it's my darn blog and maybe it'll give me a little closure for Sammy's death.
PS,
Oh right. The flooding in the basement has been fixed now as well. Tree roots getting in the sewer lines in hot weather like its been, looking for water. Carpet has been thoroughly shampooed, thank you Rug Doctor. Now to get everything back together.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Swamp Livin'
Well, my basement appears to have flooded. It's not supposed to do that. The basement is carpeted. The flood seems to have orgininated from a faulty air conditioner, and the flood started because some dirt clogged the drain that's there in case something like this happens. Today shall be a slipper day.
Le Sigh.
Le Sigh.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Circle
All Slappy's arm can do is delay the inevitable, as Alice shredded it like a buzz saw. All the while her mouth opened ever wider.
But then the buzzing sound stops, as the last of Slappy's arm is destroyed.
Alice's Eldritch maw creaks to a final stop.
All Slappy can do is look.
:siren: WARNING: DISTURBING, UN-NUNLIKE BEHAVIOR AHEAD :siren:
It is to his great relief to see absolutely nothing.
Well not nothing. Well, yes...but not nothing, like say...the dark, or something you can't see. It's nothing that's not there.
Slappy's eyebrows screw together in irritation as it tries to relate what its seeing into some form of coherency.
And that's all it took. Sometimes you stare into the void. Sometimes it stares back.
The walls suddenly got a lot farther away, or Alice's maw got a lot closer. And bigger. But that was only a passing thought in the back of its mind as it stared into the nothing encroaching through the floor, the walls. The nothing creeped over it all. Then the bar was nothing. The city was nothing. The state was nothing. The continent was nothing. And then the world was nothing.
Slappy found himself in floating in the void of space, with no discernible landmarks as the solar system faded around him. But then he realized.
He wasn't seeing nothing. He was seeing everything.
He could see forever. Past suns, moons, galaxies, sight keeping with the ever expanding universe.
And he was so small.
He could see things living out there beyond time and space. Old, and new Gods and Aberrations. He was little more than a speck in their eye. And then there were the things they were buts specks in the eyes of. And so on. And so on. And so on. And so on. And so on. And so on. And so on And so on And so on And so onAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonAndsoonandsooonandsoonand
Existence stopped. The universe's expansion ground to a halt.
And then existence started retracting in on itself.
And he could see it all.
Alien civilizations collapsing as their native planets were ground into nothing more than handfuls of dust. Their technology useless. Their magic useless. Heroic act after heroic act meaningless. Heroes and cowards tried to change their fate. They failed. Mothers threw themselves over children, to use their own bodies as shields. They failed. So they turned to their Gods as the stars extinguished around them. And so the Gods took a stand. And they died, even they impotent against nothing. And with them, the souls of their followers spilled out from their respective sanctuaries and dissolved into nothing. Or didn't. And then the sanctuary collapsed into nothing, taking the souls it contained with it into non-existence.
And then the cycle repeated in the next galaxy. And repeated. And repeated. And repeated. Andrepeatedandrepeatedandrepeatedadnreapeatedandrepeatedandrepeatedandrepeatedandrepeatedand
He was back in his solar system. Just in time to see Pluto collapse into a grain of ice. Neptune dissolved into a tears worth of mist. Uransus crushed smaller than a soda can top. Saturn decimated. Even the remains of Jupiter would have fit in a teaspoon.
And then there was Earth. And then the Earth became nothing.
And everyone who could have known or known of Slappy ceased to exist. Everywhere Slappy had been or could have been ceased to exist. And all of Slappy's mark on the world ceased to exist.
Because there was no Earth. And then the Sun drizzled out into darkness.
But the universe kept folding in on itself. It pressed and pressed and pressed and pressed together until there was no universe anymore.
Slappy's actions don't matter. You don't matter. Anything you could with meager amount of time you have before you die is meaningless. In two generations you would be a memory. In three generations no one would know who you really were. Paintings and books fade. Statues crack. The internet was nothing to begin with, and merely returns back to it.
In the end, there can be only nothing.
Bye, Slappy.
Condemned to a fate beyond the imagination of the most twisted individual., Slappy became nothing. Except his conscious. Which was now condemned to roam and be the only tiny grain of something in an eternity of nothing with no foreseeable end in sight.
He would grow mad. And then go all the way through back to sane again. Only to fall to insanity once more.
And repeat.
Monday, June 11, 2012
The kind of lines often cut from WALL!!'s dialogue
Ann boggled at WALL!! for a few seconds, before-
"Pffft hahaha, WALL!!! What the heck?!" Ann laughed, putting a hand over her eyes and shaking her head while doing so.
"Hey, say what you want, but I know why those marines are so angry."
--Take Three--
"I just want to stick my face in there and blblblblblblblblblblblbe."
--Take Four--
"Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblb-"
--Take Five--
"Vampires like it windy."
--Take Eight--
"She's been dead for a while, so you know they're nice and firm."
--Take Twelve--
"Hey, if I were a coffin I'd let her inside me."
--Take Twenty Six--
"Hey, if i were a blood tap I'd let her suck me."
--Take Seventy Two--
"I'd tap that ventricle."
--Take Four Hundred Thirteen--
"Having sex with a vampire is a lot like an Easter egg hunt. There are often small animals involved."
"Pffft hahaha, WALL!!! What the heck?!" Ann laughed, putting a hand over her eyes and shaking her head while doing so.
"Hey, say what you want, but I know why those marines are so angry."
--Take Three--
"I just want to stick my face in there and blblblblblblblblblblblbe."
--Take Four--
"Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblb-"
--Take Five--
"Vampires like it windy."
--Take Eight--
"She's been dead for a while, so you know they're nice and firm."
--Take Twelve--
"Hey, if I were a coffin I'd let her inside me."
--Take Twenty Six--
"Hey, if i were a blood tap I'd let her suck me."
--Take Seventy Two--
"I'd tap that ventricle."
--Take Four Hundred Thirteen--
"Having sex with a vampire is a lot like an Easter egg hunt. There are often small animals involved."
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Excuse me while I cross off Erebus' characters from my "Purnima Pisses People Off" List.
Aleeeeex! Come back! We need your warm and sweet characters!
Good lord, I hereby solemnly swear to lay off the sads for a bit, so the bar can recover before I sink it into the horrid depths of Grimdark. This is why I never, and should never, touch the My Little Pony characters, The Muppets, Sarah, Lotta, Tut-Tut, and Kirby.
Because it'll become horrible Grimdark. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE GRIMDARK!
*puts on half-opera mask and proceeds to play organ music*
Good lord, I hereby solemnly swear to lay off the sads for a bit, so the bar can recover before I sink it into the horrid depths of Grimdark. This is why I never, and should never, touch the My Little Pony characters, The Muppets, Sarah, Lotta, Tut-Tut, and Kirby.
Because it'll become horrible Grimdark. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE GRIMDARK!
*puts on half-opera mask and proceeds to play organ music*
Friday, June 8, 2012
A GREAT FICTIONAL MAN HAS DIED TODAY
Manju Verma "The Unbreakable Blade"
1960-199x
Warrior, Butler, and Friend with no equal
"Death had to come to him with his body smashed, his eyes blinded, and his limbs broken or there would have been a fight."-Emperor A. A. A. Rashama
Manju Verma of the long standing Verma family that have served the royal family faithfully for countless generations, has died to today. Known for his valor in various border skirmeshes, and lauded for all but single-handedly holding Kāpa Pass from invaders. He is perhaps most remembered for his staunch devotion to the Lady Purnima, even in her exile.
"His funeral shall mark the first time in twelve years that all the Emporer's children will be present at the palace, in order to pay their respects."-Acharya Chhavi
It is assumed that the Lady Purnima's exile will be waived for the duration of the funeral, according to this statement.
Article by Stan Ligature, ZooNews
I grew oddly attached to to the character of Manju, and I'm kinda sad to seem him go. Well, that's one charater off my ever expanding roster.
1960-199x
Warrior, Butler, and Friend with no equal
"Death had to come to him with his body smashed, his eyes blinded, and his limbs broken or there would have been a fight."-Emperor A. A. A. Rashama
Manju Verma of the long standing Verma family that have served the royal family faithfully for countless generations, has died to today. Known for his valor in various border skirmeshes, and lauded for all but single-handedly holding Kāpa Pass from invaders. He is perhaps most remembered for his staunch devotion to the Lady Purnima, even in her exile.
"His funeral shall mark the first time in twelve years that all the Emporer's children will be present at the palace, in order to pay their respects."-Acharya Chhavi
It is assumed that the Lady Purnima's exile will be waived for the duration of the funeral, according to this statement.
Article by Stan Ligature, ZooNews
I grew oddly attached to to the character of Manju, and I'm kinda sad to seem him go. Well, that's one charater off my ever expanding roster.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
M Sheep Headspace Shareholders Meeting
The man at the end of the table finished adjusting the sheep helmet over his head before leaning forward in his chair, gloved fingers steepled under his fake ceramic muzzle. "Well, lets bring this meeting to a start then. Thank you all for meeting me here under such short notice. No doubt your wondering just why I called you all here." He took this moment to dramatically look slowly around all those gathered, taking great pains to make his glasses and the painted M on the sheep helmet's forhead to glare menacingly under the harsh light.
"Dude, where's the cake. I was told there would be cake."
"What? No, I never said-"
"If he gets cake, I'd better get some fucking booze! How else am I going to drown out your whining horseshit."
"...I do not whine!"
"And why are these lights so Goddamn bright?!! Tun them the fuck down, damnit!!"
The author sheepishly twiddled his fingers. "I-I thought they were kind of cool. It'd make this meeting seem all mysterious and sinister-Wait." He sprang forward in his chair to point towards Sister Alice accusingly. "You're blind! How can you even-"
A dour baritone voice cut him off with even tones that still managed to convey a sense of finality. "While I disagree with Sister Alice's language, I must agree that the lighting in here is bordering on ridiculous."
"Et tu, Father Squid?"
"Urm. I'm afraid so, this is really hurting my eyes." The cephalopodic priest rumbled under a visor splayed hand.
The author's muffled sigh was still audible. He slouched over the table in deafeat. "Fine. Your totally ruining the dramatic tension, I'll have you know!"
"We appreciate your sacrifice."
The harsh bearing lights above them abruptly switched off, plunging the room into darkness for a few moments before the room was filled with a soft light from identifyable source revealing a rather standard block shaped room.
"Really? This all you could come up with?"
"Well, I didn't think I was going to have to show the room so I just went with the first thing that popped into my head...It's not like you guys gave me any time to fancy it up a bit."
"Yes, you are rather slow, aren't you?"
"......Does anyone have anything to say that isn't a personal attack on my person?......Just..just put your hand down, February."
"I couldn't help but notice you seem to be having a little trouble staying in control here, mostly because I've been busy stifling my own laughter, and thought I might be able to give you a hand-"
"OOOH NO! OH FUCKING NO. You sit down and shut the fuck up. Goddamn vultures, I'm not out of the city for a week and they start coming out of the woodwork."
The shade faded out until it was only a light stain in the air in visible discomfort, and maybe a little fear of, Alice. "I didn't mean to step on any toes, madam-"
"Don't give me that bullshit while your getting your filthy juju hands all over my city! I know how your type operates you two faced smug sonuvabitch! You think you can pull one over on ME!! I CAN GODDMAN SEE YOU! I've been putting your kind back where they belong before you were even jizzed out of some demon's barbed COCK!! I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR SMUG SKULL OUT OUT OF THAT MASSIVE SHIT YOU CALL A FACE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!!!"
*Bzzt*"Oh God! Get in the Alice handlers in here NOW!!"
--ROUGHLY TEN MINUTES LATER--
A notably disheveled author, a large crack running down his sheep mask, addresses those around the table who remain. "A-alright then, I think we're ready to reconvene now...The, uh, Professor has opted to skip out on the rest of the meeting, and Alice is currently in Time Out in the most secure container available. and, oh, all my papers are messed up now. Does anyone know where we left off?"
"You lost control of the meeting before we could even get that far." Dr. Albrecht elected to pipe in. "So I would like to get to examing the scripts, as you call them, for this season."
"T-that actually seems reasonable. Proceed, by all means."
"The short of it is that your behind on everything. Your all over the place and can't stick to one storyline so now they've ended up all over the place. Did we even ever find out what happened to that thing in the junkyard that ended up with some of Jonesy's blood? What ever happened to the magical items stolen during the church fire? And I'm sure Meatboy's phone number is sitting around somewhere...Regardles, your idiocy is normally tolerable, but now it's causing delays in my own work. Do your job."
"And there's that infamous Albrecht bedside manner. I think you'll find I'm leading up to something."
"Really, because I'm rapidly coming round to the opinion that your just making it up as you go along."
"I..UNF....YOU!....GAH! How dare you-"
"Baa.", the sheep seated at the author's left noted between a mouthfull of paper.
"What? No. I mean, I know you've been kind of been swept to the sidelines lately but-"
"Whoa. We have scripts?"
"Hmm, that's the question, isn't it?"
"Dr. Albrecht, that's quite enough. You've already voiced your..concerns over this season's script. Let's give the man a moment to answer, hm?"
"I^IIIIII I#IIIIIIII"
"See, now Mr. Blik has the right idea. Let's just-"
"IIII wwwwwaaannnnnnnnt aaa zzzzzzzzzztorrrrrrryyyyyllinnnnnnnne too!"
"Ugh. Go back to your corner, Beelzebub. Nobody likes you."
"Aaaaaaawww."
"And what about us, eh? You talked the boys up something fierce, but so far you've just left us to twist in the wind."
"Oh come on! You don't even have a text color yet!"
"Man, Squidface, how can you tolerate this three ring circus?"
"Patience, Mr. Fox, and my faith in God's plan. And the occasional cold one."
"I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this. This whole thing has been a giant waste of my time."
"I^IIIII III>#IIIIIIII"
"Ah! Sheep, please don't eat the script!"
"I appeared in one scene last season."
"Wow, uh, yea, Mr. Desmond really hasn't had more than one scene."
"TRULY ABOMINABLE!! THIS SCRIPT IS BARELY FIT TO WIPE MINE HINDQUARTERS WITH! NEVER HAVE I SEEEEEEEEEEEN SUCH A TRULY HACK JOB!! HOMER ROOOOOOOOOLLS IN HIS GRAAAVE!!!!"
"Inside voices, Dr. Grendel.."
"I APOLOGISE!! MY EMBARESSMENT IS TRULY IMMENSE!! I HAVE BROUGHT DISHONOUR TO THE HOSPITAL AND MY FELLOW DOCTORS, BOTH!!! OOOH, THE SHAAAAAAAAME!!!
"This is theatening to make me redundant."
The man a the end of the table clears his throat audibly, causing a deafening, tense silence to fall almost instantaneously. He adjusts his straw hat with great, casual silence before he speaks.
"Now, I'm sure Mr M. here has written a wonderful script. And I have great faith you folks can bring it to life. You guys'll do great. Last season was good, this one will be better. Okay? Now I'm going to turn thefloor back over to Mr. M"
"You are? I MEAN thank you, sir."
The man tugs his hat with a suntanned smile in response. The donkey standing beside him twitches an ear.
"Well, uh, with those enheartening words, I bring this meeting to a close." The author bangs his gavel. Only to promptly throw it high into the air. "HAPPY NEW SEASON, EVERYONE!"
"Dude, where's the cake. I was told there would be cake."
"What? No, I never said-"
"If he gets cake, I'd better get some fucking booze! How else am I going to drown out your whining horseshit."
"...I do not whine!"
"And why are these lights so Goddamn bright?!! Tun them the fuck down, damnit!!"
The author sheepishly twiddled his fingers. "I-I thought they were kind of cool. It'd make this meeting seem all mysterious and sinister-Wait." He sprang forward in his chair to point towards Sister Alice accusingly. "You're blind! How can you even-"
A dour baritone voice cut him off with even tones that still managed to convey a sense of finality. "While I disagree with Sister Alice's language, I must agree that the lighting in here is bordering on ridiculous."
"Et tu, Father Squid?"
"Urm. I'm afraid so, this is really hurting my eyes." The cephalopodic priest rumbled under a visor splayed hand.
The author's muffled sigh was still audible. He slouched over the table in deafeat. "Fine. Your totally ruining the dramatic tension, I'll have you know!"
"We appreciate your sacrifice."
The harsh bearing lights above them abruptly switched off, plunging the room into darkness for a few moments before the room was filled with a soft light from identifyable source revealing a rather standard block shaped room.
"Really? This all you could come up with?"
"Well, I didn't think I was going to have to show the room so I just went with the first thing that popped into my head...It's not like you guys gave me any time to fancy it up a bit."
"Yes, you are rather slow, aren't you?"
"......Does anyone have anything to say that isn't a personal attack on my person?......Just..just put your hand down, February."
"I couldn't help but notice you seem to be having a little trouble staying in control here, mostly because I've been busy stifling my own laughter, and thought I might be able to give you a hand-"
"OOOH NO! OH FUCKING NO. You sit down and shut the fuck up. Goddamn vultures, I'm not out of the city for a week and they start coming out of the woodwork."
The shade faded out until it was only a light stain in the air in visible discomfort, and maybe a little fear of, Alice. "I didn't mean to step on any toes, madam-"
"Don't give me that bullshit while your getting your filthy juju hands all over my city! I know how your type operates you two faced smug sonuvabitch! You think you can pull one over on ME!! I CAN GODDMAN SEE YOU! I've been putting your kind back where they belong before you were even jizzed out of some demon's barbed COCK!! I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR SMUG SKULL OUT OUT OF THAT MASSIVE SHIT YOU CALL A FACE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!!!"
*Bzzt*"Oh God! Get in the Alice handlers in here NOW!!"
--ROUGHLY TEN MINUTES LATER--
A notably disheveled author, a large crack running down his sheep mask, addresses those around the table who remain. "A-alright then, I think we're ready to reconvene now...The, uh, Professor has opted to skip out on the rest of the meeting, and Alice is currently in Time Out in the most secure container available. and, oh, all my papers are messed up now. Does anyone know where we left off?"
"You lost control of the meeting before we could even get that far." Dr. Albrecht elected to pipe in. "So I would like to get to examing the scripts, as you call them, for this season."
"T-that actually seems reasonable. Proceed, by all means."
"The short of it is that your behind on everything. Your all over the place and can't stick to one storyline so now they've ended up all over the place. Did we even ever find out what happened to that thing in the junkyard that ended up with some of Jonesy's blood? What ever happened to the magical items stolen during the church fire? And I'm sure Meatboy's phone number is sitting around somewhere...Regardles, your idiocy is normally tolerable, but now it's causing delays in my own work. Do your job."
"And there's that infamous Albrecht bedside manner. I think you'll find I'm leading up to something."
"Really, because I'm rapidly coming round to the opinion that your just making it up as you go along."
"I..UNF....YOU!....GAH! How dare you-"
"Baa.", the sheep seated at the author's left noted between a mouthfull of paper.
"What? No. I mean, I know you've been kind of been swept to the sidelines lately but-"
"Whoa. We have scripts?"
"Hmm, that's the question, isn't it?"
"Dr. Albrecht, that's quite enough. You've already voiced your..concerns over this season's script. Let's give the man a moment to answer, hm?"
"I^IIIIII I#IIIIIIII"
"See, now Mr. Blik has the right idea. Let's just-"
"IIII wwwwwaaannnnnnnnt aaa zzzzzzzzzztorrrrrrryyyyyllinnnnnnnne too!"
"Ugh. Go back to your corner, Beelzebub. Nobody likes you."
"Aaaaaaawww."
"And what about us, eh? You talked the boys up something fierce, but so far you've just left us to twist in the wind."
"Oh come on! You don't even have a text color yet!"
"Man, Squidface, how can you tolerate this three ring circus?"
"Patience, Mr. Fox, and my faith in God's plan. And the occasional cold one."
"I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this. This whole thing has been a giant waste of my time."
"I^IIIII III>#IIIIIIII"
"Ah! Sheep, please don't eat the script!"
"I appeared in one scene last season."
"Wow, uh, yea, Mr. Desmond really hasn't had more than one scene."
"TRULY ABOMINABLE!! THIS SCRIPT IS BARELY FIT TO WIPE MINE HINDQUARTERS WITH! NEVER HAVE I SEEEEEEEEEEEN SUCH A TRULY HACK JOB!! HOMER ROOOOOOOOOLLS IN HIS GRAAAVE!!!!"
"Inside voices, Dr. Grendel.."
"I APOLOGISE!! MY EMBARESSMENT IS TRULY IMMENSE!! I HAVE BROUGHT DISHONOUR TO THE HOSPITAL AND MY FELLOW DOCTORS, BOTH!!! OOOH, THE SHAAAAAAAAME!!!
"This is theatening to make me redundant."
The man a the end of the table clears his throat audibly, causing a deafening, tense silence to fall almost instantaneously. He adjusts his straw hat with great, casual silence before he speaks.
"Now, I'm sure Mr M. here has written a wonderful script. And I have great faith you folks can bring it to life. You guys'll do great. Last season was good, this one will be better. Okay? Now I'm going to turn thefloor back over to Mr. M"
"You are? I MEAN thank you, sir."
The man tugs his hat with a suntanned smile in response. The donkey standing beside him twitches an ear.
"Well, uh, with those enheartening words, I bring this meeting to a close." The author bangs his gavel. Only to promptly throw it high into the air. "HAPPY NEW SEASON, EVERYONE!"
Friday, May 4, 2012
No Exit part 1: Rising Water
"My, my, my, another dear coming to pay me a visit. Why, it must be my birthday.”, a raspy voice croaked out, echoing, as a misshapen silhouette bobbed over to the occupied slab. Clever, long fingers wrapped around the clipboard laying gently atop the white sheet. "Ah, but where are my manners? What is your name, pet? Mmmh. Natalie Vinzant, female, age 38, human, history of insomnia and high blood pressure. Well, I have what you might call a bit of a hunch that a family history of high blood pressure isn't what brings you hear." His tortured spring of a back uncoiled smoothly, only to curl tightly into another pained helix as he leaned in closer to the slab. His lips cracked in his leathery face as he smiled in a co-conspiring manner. "Now you see, you're far from the first client I've had today. I've been noticing a bit of a trend among my clientele as of late."
Clipboard now thoroughly forgotten, those same clever fingers snaked up the white sheet to delicately pull down the flimsy barrier separating him from his quarry. "Now, now, no need to be shy.", he cooed as the sheet hit a snag, "You hold just as many wonderments to me as all of who've come before you...Come, come, now. We'll do it like a Band-Aid, quick, and you'll see there's nothing to have worried about."
At last he pulled fully back the sheet, revealing the woman's face. "There. See, nothing so bad after all. Why, look at what you've been hiding from me; those high cheek bones, that strong, Roman nose." An arm that had slowly been crawling towards the woman's face shuddered to an abrupt stop. "Ah, but there I go; forgive my enthusiasm." The figure shambled to the other end of the slab. "I shall, of course, leave the best for last."
His hands at last fell on her then, fingers crawling and darting about like insects, examining her feet far more intimately than any person ever had while she was still living. "We shall simply start at one end, and work our way to the other.", he stated with an academic nod.
And it certainly didn't take him long to find something.
A sharp intake of breath rang out. "Ohhhhhh...Oh, my. You spoil me, my dear. We've but only just begun, and you greet me with this." As twisted as his body was, the man's fingers displayed all the flexibility of an insect's antennae as they weaved in, out, and around the contours of toes.
"Ah, beauty, beauty!", he choked in rapturous tones. "I know these toes. Such strength, such form...Clever and worn, yes, but also abused." The skin of his long index finger contrasted harshly with the smooth, mellow dark of her skin even in the lowlight gloom clinging to the room. Covered in blisters, warts, and bumps, it had all the appearance of a half melted candle as he ran it down her sole. "Fractures kissed ever so lightly up and down here once. You pounded them in so diligently, such a hard worker. Yes, a dancer you were, poppet. Oh, and you worked so hard, yes, yes, I see it. It was no mere passing interest, no, a blinding passion." The man's bizarre soliloquy halted to a stop. He lurched back to the head of the slab, bones creaking as he leaned down until his face was parallel to to hers. He brushed a lock of hair from her face, tucking it tenderly behind her ear as he rasped, "I can relate."
"But now what's this, I wonder?" He punctuated his query with a particularly enthusiastic squeeze of her thigh. He murmured to himself for a moment while his groping became increasingly more intimate. "Hmmm...Ah! Yes, I see it, the missing piece of the puzzle! You see, I've been asking myself just why I'm examining a reporter today instead of a dancer." He limped over to a desk adjacent to the slab and began to rifle through it. "Feel free to tell me if you've heard this one before." His voice stayed surprisingly even, even has his rifling became more frantic. "There's this ballet dancer, see, a little young, a little rough around the edges. But she's good, not great, but good." The man suddenly paused, any transition from his prior frantic state jarringly nonexistent. "But then, then, tragedy strikes." He jerked back around and began stumbling back over to the slab. With each step he became more increasingly animate, flailing his arms about as his speech quickened and ran together to be nearly incomprehensible.
"The girls dreams lay out before her. She can hardly be blamed for trying to cut a few corners off the travel time. She can hardly be blamed at all with the way the world was dangling her goal in front of her. The girl gets cast a role in the new production. By no means the lead, but certainly a good part for a little unknown like her. Practice, practice, you certainly took those words to heart. Un, deu, troix! Un, deu, troix! Again, again, you cried. Your partner at his poor wits end. Exhausted. Desperate for a break. He can hardly be blamed. Such a ruthless taskmaster. Again, again! You jump. You fly. Majestic in vision. Awesome in form. Synaptic firing. Burning. A brilliant cavalcade of white-hot light expressing more coherency in less than a second than a poet's whole life. Muscles taunt but flexible enough to be played a trill with Devilish fingers. So much red meat pulsing with steaming life pumped by a frantic heart. But mind proves master to meat as controlled breath plays puppet with the body. Bones grinding, Limbic acid burning. Only for a moment, the melded art of form and functionality forever remaining ephemeral. But then."
He threw his disfigured hand to his oily brow in one well practiced motion, his eyes hidden melodramtically behind his fingers. "You fall. You're partner too slow, too late. You hit the floor. Hard. And then your dreams die." His other hand rose then, revealing a scalpel in its waxy grasp. In one fluid motion, he sliced the woman's leg down to the bone. He splayed the fingers on his face and looked down, a coy smile forming around his bloody gums. "And there's the break. Looks just as fresh as when it happened. You age well, my dear. I-"
*Brrrrrring*
"..How rude. To break up this valuable time we have togethe-"
*Brrrrrrrring*
"Oh, very well..Dr. February speaking."
"Good. You've had ample time to give the new check-ins a once over. Your report."
"Dr. Albrecht. Always a pleasure to here from the big cheese wheel himself."
"I really don't have time for your asinine attempts at conversation. Report your findings immediately.
"Patience is a virtue, doctor."
"I'm about out of spyrochete-ing patience. I have a hospital in crisis to run, February. Report. Now."
"Well, if you simply must. One moment." The ghoulish man turned around towards the slab, quickly running a bulbous eye up and down its contents. "Yes, I can now for certainty say that they’re the same as the last. Each dead from massive, and frankly a bit messy, spontaneous internal hemorrhaging.
"I figured as much...You know we could really use as many hands up here as possible, February."
"Ah, ah, ah, Al. The terms of my hiring were very specific. I've learned all I can from the living, only the dead contain what I seek. Ta."
---
"Useless." Dr. Albrecht growled as he hang up the phone. He turned back towards those seated around the table before him. "Now, where were we?"
(THIS GUY...He never shuts up. Had to shoe-horn the call, the actual important part in. Also, this guy has really distracting speech mannerisms. Ugh, this is so late...I meant to have this done much sooner. More to come.)
Clipboard now thoroughly forgotten, those same clever fingers snaked up the white sheet to delicately pull down the flimsy barrier separating him from his quarry. "Now, now, no need to be shy.", he cooed as the sheet hit a snag, "You hold just as many wonderments to me as all of who've come before you...Come, come, now. We'll do it like a Band-Aid, quick, and you'll see there's nothing to have worried about."
At last he pulled fully back the sheet, revealing the woman's face. "There. See, nothing so bad after all. Why, look at what you've been hiding from me; those high cheek bones, that strong, Roman nose." An arm that had slowly been crawling towards the woman's face shuddered to an abrupt stop. "Ah, but there I go; forgive my enthusiasm." The figure shambled to the other end of the slab. "I shall, of course, leave the best for last."
His hands at last fell on her then, fingers crawling and darting about like insects, examining her feet far more intimately than any person ever had while she was still living. "We shall simply start at one end, and work our way to the other.", he stated with an academic nod.
And it certainly didn't take him long to find something.
A sharp intake of breath rang out. "Ohhhhhh...Oh, my. You spoil me, my dear. We've but only just begun, and you greet me with this." As twisted as his body was, the man's fingers displayed all the flexibility of an insect's antennae as they weaved in, out, and around the contours of toes.
"Ah, beauty, beauty!", he choked in rapturous tones. "I know these toes. Such strength, such form...Clever and worn, yes, but also abused." The skin of his long index finger contrasted harshly with the smooth, mellow dark of her skin even in the lowlight gloom clinging to the room. Covered in blisters, warts, and bumps, it had all the appearance of a half melted candle as he ran it down her sole. "Fractures kissed ever so lightly up and down here once. You pounded them in so diligently, such a hard worker. Yes, a dancer you were, poppet. Oh, and you worked so hard, yes, yes, I see it. It was no mere passing interest, no, a blinding passion." The man's bizarre soliloquy halted to a stop. He lurched back to the head of the slab, bones creaking as he leaned down until his face was parallel to to hers. He brushed a lock of hair from her face, tucking it tenderly behind her ear as he rasped, "I can relate."
"But now what's this, I wonder?" He punctuated his query with a particularly enthusiastic squeeze of her thigh. He murmured to himself for a moment while his groping became increasingly more intimate. "Hmmm...Ah! Yes, I see it, the missing piece of the puzzle! You see, I've been asking myself just why I'm examining a reporter today instead of a dancer." He limped over to a desk adjacent to the slab and began to rifle through it. "Feel free to tell me if you've heard this one before." His voice stayed surprisingly even, even has his rifling became more frantic. "There's this ballet dancer, see, a little young, a little rough around the edges. But she's good, not great, but good." The man suddenly paused, any transition from his prior frantic state jarringly nonexistent. "But then, then, tragedy strikes." He jerked back around and began stumbling back over to the slab. With each step he became more increasingly animate, flailing his arms about as his speech quickened and ran together to be nearly incomprehensible.
"The girls dreams lay out before her. She can hardly be blamed for trying to cut a few corners off the travel time. She can hardly be blamed at all with the way the world was dangling her goal in front of her. The girl gets cast a role in the new production. By no means the lead, but certainly a good part for a little unknown like her. Practice, practice, you certainly took those words to heart. Un, deu, troix! Un, deu, troix! Again, again, you cried. Your partner at his poor wits end. Exhausted. Desperate for a break. He can hardly be blamed. Such a ruthless taskmaster. Again, again! You jump. You fly. Majestic in vision. Awesome in form. Synaptic firing. Burning. A brilliant cavalcade of white-hot light expressing more coherency in less than a second than a poet's whole life. Muscles taunt but flexible enough to be played a trill with Devilish fingers. So much red meat pulsing with steaming life pumped by a frantic heart. But mind proves master to meat as controlled breath plays puppet with the body. Bones grinding, Limbic acid burning. Only for a moment, the melded art of form and functionality forever remaining ephemeral. But then."
He threw his disfigured hand to his oily brow in one well practiced motion, his eyes hidden melodramtically behind his fingers. "You fall. You're partner too slow, too late. You hit the floor. Hard. And then your dreams die." His other hand rose then, revealing a scalpel in its waxy grasp. In one fluid motion, he sliced the woman's leg down to the bone. He splayed the fingers on his face and looked down, a coy smile forming around his bloody gums. "And there's the break. Looks just as fresh as when it happened. You age well, my dear. I-"
*Brrrrrring*
"..How rude. To break up this valuable time we have togethe-"
*Brrrrrrrring*
"Oh, very well..Dr. February speaking."
"Good. You've had ample time to give the new check-ins a once over. Your report."
"Dr. Albrecht. Always a pleasure to here from the big cheese wheel himself."
"I really don't have time for your asinine attempts at conversation. Report your findings immediately.
"Patience is a virtue, doctor."
"I'm about out of spyrochete-ing patience. I have a hospital in crisis to run, February. Report. Now."
"Well, if you simply must. One moment." The ghoulish man turned around towards the slab, quickly running a bulbous eye up and down its contents. "Yes, I can now for certainty say that they’re the same as the last. Each dead from massive, and frankly a bit messy, spontaneous internal hemorrhaging.
"I figured as much...You know we could really use as many hands up here as possible, February."
"Ah, ah, ah, Al. The terms of my hiring were very specific. I've learned all I can from the living, only the dead contain what I seek. Ta."
---
"Useless." Dr. Albrecht growled as he hang up the phone. He turned back towards those seated around the table before him. "Now, where were we?"
(THIS GUY...He never shuts up. Had to shoe-horn the call, the actual important part in. Also, this guy has really distracting speech mannerisms. Ugh, this is so late...I meant to have this done much sooner. More to come.)
Saturday, April 7, 2012
WHaT I dId OvER MY Summer vacation
-JAN 1,
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year! The annual complex party was BAWS, I vomited eggnog EVERYWHERE! Yeah, Ern didn't really like that....But even he couldn't stay mad with the spread Gran put out. I've never heard of ANYONE who can resist her cooking. dude, I don't even know how that much food can come out of one kitchen
new theory: Gran is actually a Time Lord and the kitchen is her TARDIS.
Even Roomie seems, dare I say it, HAPPY today. or at least I haven't heard him groan or moan all day.
-JAN 3,
Dear Diary,
Saw the Spider Sisters talking to Gran this evening. God, couldn't they have talked to her at a reasonable hour? They creep me the fuck out, and I don't like them being all alone with Gran like that, even if it is just to rent another room.
Geez, that's the whole third floor they've bought out now for their bug collection.
-JAN 12,
Dear Diary,
Ugh. Roomie's poetry club starts up again today. Why do they have to meet here?!
Just kill me now.
-JAN 13,
Dear Diary,
How hard is it to use a Goddamn coaster?! That table was teak, damnit!
-JAN 17,
Dear Diary,
SHOPPING LIST, NOTE TO SELF:
-bread
-eggs
-breaded eggs
-coffee
-carrot sticks
-Belvarian clam jelly
- banana guacomole
-energon
-eye of newt
-pipe cleaner
-oranges
-crow
-lean cut of horsemeat
-2x blue rubies
-18lbs tapioca pudding
-toilet paper
-JAN 28,
Dear Diary,
Work is haaaaaaard. Why can't any hot girls work in my departmet. They're all in IT, s'not fair.
-FEB 2,
Dear Diary,
Roomies going on about existential angst and the stifling of the creative mind again. Seriously contemplating blugeoning him to death with my cereal spoon. If only it wouldn't leave such a huge mess for Ern to clean up. 'cuz it might make him start leaving alligators in the bathtub again.
-FEB 16,
Dear Diary,
Saw a goat today. Kinda wierd to see one in the dimension of coke and glass.
-FEB 22,
Dear Diary,
I got to hang out with the coolest of coolest bros, and my best friend, SHUMA GORATH!!!!!!!
he kinda ragged on the Bar the whole time though. Kinda a downer. But Still! Allways a totally awesome day to see him.
note: cancel tennis practice tomorrow. You can't play with one eye, silly! That's what you get for being an idiot and questioning Shuma Gorath~idiot idiot stupid pig hog idiot why can't you do anything right
Ugh, Roomie's drunk up all the coffee again. I hate when he does that, he knows I need it when i hafta work late! I even made five pots. Dude's, like, addicted or sumpthin.
-MARCH 4,
Dear Diary,
Dusted hat collection. I think I'll wear my favorite hat today. Sine gave it to me! That's what makes it my favorite!
-MARCH 17
Dear Diary,
I do not know what to do. I do not want to hate Sine. But everyone is saying she is a bad person, and I thought we got rid of the bad person in Sine so she was good now, but everyone says she is bad.
But she's not a bad person! She gave me a hat, and bad people do not give me hats!
But I didn't say that. Beacuse I didn't want Jonesy to hate me and I didn't want them to get mad and call me bad person and hate me
Because I'm stupid, and can't think for myself, I can't do anything right I'm sorry SineJonesy You SWINE PIG! USELESS HANGER-ON PARASITE! Where do YOU get off on judging others when youre so SHALLOW just go with the crowd WORTHLESS
-April 1,
Dear Diary,
APRIL FOOLS!~
I made you think I was going to write in you, BUT THEN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!1!!!111!
im lonely.
-April 7,
Dear Diary,
I should do something nice for Jonesy. She just got out of the hospital and people made of flesh are so fragile. I bet those mean paparazzi are already pestering her again and making her feel even worse.
I got it!~
I will make them all go away and then everyone will be happy again.
And then I'll have cake because cake is totally awesome.
-----
---ROUGHLY AN HOUR LATER, JONESY'S PRIVATE MESSAGING INBOX---
HELLO, JONESY. YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE!
Message sent by: LightHospital.sever/privateline
Contents of message: "Mrs. Svilzerian, would you care to explain to me why a growing total of thirty men and women have entered my hospital with no common connection; other than being in critical condition via internal trauma, a career in journalism, and having at some point worked on a news item about you and/or your husband? A prompt answer would be most appreciated, as it is quickly growing tiresome to keep this information from going public."
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year! The annual complex party was BAWS, I vomited eggnog EVERYWHERE! Yeah, Ern didn't really like that....But even he couldn't stay mad with the spread Gran put out. I've never heard of ANYONE who can resist her cooking. dude, I don't even know how that much food can come out of one kitchen
new theory: Gran is actually a Time Lord and the kitchen is her TARDIS.
Even Roomie seems, dare I say it, HAPPY today. or at least I haven't heard him groan or moan all day.
-JAN 3,
Dear Diary,
Saw the Spider Sisters talking to Gran this evening. God, couldn't they have talked to her at a reasonable hour? They creep me the fuck out, and I don't like them being all alone with Gran like that, even if it is just to rent another room.
Geez, that's the whole third floor they've bought out now for their bug collection.
-JAN 12,
Dear Diary,
Ugh. Roomie's poetry club starts up again today. Why do they have to meet here?!
Just kill me now.
-JAN 13,
Dear Diary,
How hard is it to use a Goddamn coaster?! That table was teak, damnit!
-JAN 17,
Dear Diary,
SHOPPING LIST, NOTE TO SELF:
-bread
-eggs
-breaded eggs
-coffee
-carrot sticks
-Belvarian clam jelly
- banana guacomole
-energon
-eye of newt
-pipe cleaner
-oranges
-crow
-lean cut of horsemeat
-2x blue rubies
-18lbs tapioca pudding
-toilet paper
-JAN 28,
Dear Diary,
Work is haaaaaaard. Why can't any hot girls work in my departmet. They're all in IT, s'not fair.
-FEB 2,
Dear Diary,
Roomies going on about existential angst and the stifling of the creative mind again. Seriously contemplating blugeoning him to death with my cereal spoon. If only it wouldn't leave such a huge mess for Ern to clean up. 'cuz it might make him start leaving alligators in the bathtub again.
-FEB 16,
Dear Diary,
Saw a goat today. Kinda wierd to see one in the dimension of coke and glass.
-FEB 22,
Dear Diary,
I got to hang out with the coolest of coolest bros, and my best friend, SHUMA GORATH!!!!!!!
he kinda ragged on the Bar the whole time though. Kinda a downer. But Still! Allways a totally awesome day to see him.
note: cancel tennis practice tomorrow. You can't play with one eye, silly! That's what you get for being an idiot and questioning Shuma Gorath~
Ugh, Roomie's drunk up all the coffee again. I hate when he does that, he knows I need it when i hafta work late! I even made five pots. Dude's, like, addicted or sumpthin.
-MARCH 4,
Dear Diary,
Dusted hat collection. I think I'll wear my favorite hat today. Sine gave it to me! That's what makes it my favorite!
-MARCH 17
Dear Diary,
I do not know what to do. I do not want to hate Sine. But everyone is saying she is a bad person, and I thought we got rid of the bad person in Sine so she was good now, but everyone says she is bad.
But she's not a bad person! She gave me a hat, and bad people do not give me hats!
But I didn't say that. Beacuse I didn't want Jonesy to hate me and I didn't want them to get mad and call me bad person and hate me
-April 1,
Dear Diary,
APRIL FOOLS!~
I made you think I was going to write in you, BUT THEN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!1!!!111!
im lonely.
-April 7,
Dear Diary,
I should do something nice for Jonesy. She just got out of the hospital and people made of flesh are so fragile. I bet those mean paparazzi are already pestering her again and making her feel even worse.
I got it!~
I will make them all go away and then everyone will be happy again.
And then I'll have cake because cake is totally awesome.
-----
---ROUGHLY AN HOUR LATER, JONESY'S PRIVATE MESSAGING INBOX---
HELLO, JONESY. YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE!
Message sent by: LightHospital.sever/privateline
Contents of message: "Mrs. Svilzerian, would you care to explain to me why a growing total of thirty men and women have entered my hospital with no common connection; other than being in critical condition via internal trauma, a career in journalism, and having at some point worked on a news item about you and/or your husband? A prompt answer would be most appreciated, as it is quickly growing tiresome to keep this information from going public."
Saturday, March 31, 2012
PLEASEDONOTATTWMPTTOADJUSTYOURTELEVISIONSET
DONOTPANIC. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR MINDS IN THE UPRIGHT OPEN POSITION UNTIL NORMAL SANITY IS RESUMED.
LIES BEGIN AND END WITH THOUGHT. THEREFORE, ONE MAY THEORISE THAT IF WE TRULY WERE CREATED BY A PERSONAL GOD OF DIVINE APATHIA, DIVINE ATHAMBIA, DIVINE APHASIA, WHO LOVES US DEARLY, AS POSTULALTED BY PUNCHER AND WATTMAN, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN, OVER AND OVER THE ROILING WAVES I SAW A FISHWIFE, WILD AND FAIR. SHE SAT PRIMLY ON A ROCK, COMBING PEARLS FROM HER HAIR. SHE FLASHED US A COQUETTISH GRIN, AND ALL OUR HEARTS DID FLUTTER. OH IF BUT WE’D ONLY KNOWN, THE GRIN WAS FOR HER SUPPER AND SPORTS OF ALL KINDS SUCH AS JOGGING, SKIING, ROWING, SKATING, BOWLING, PARAGLIDING, CLIMBING, CRICKET GAMES OF ALL SORTS, BALLOONING, GRAPPLING, DANCING, RIDING, FISHING, HUNTING, DIVING, RACING, THROWING, DYING, SAILING, PARACHUTING, AND TIDDLYWINKS.
I RESUME, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN. IF ONE TAKES A GLASS OF WATER AND POURS THE WATER INTO ANOTHER GLASS AND THEN INTO ANOTHER GLASS, IS IT STILL THE SAME GLASS OF WATER? TAKING THE ABOVE MENTIONED EVIDENCE INTO ACCOUNT, ONE CAN ONLY COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT ALL CATS HAVE THREE NAMES. ONE THAT THEY USE, ONE THAT WE CALL THEM, AND ONE KNOWN ONLY TO THEMSELVES. OH WELL I NEVER, HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CAT SO CLEVER AS, SineQUID, EVENTUALLY YOU'VE GOT TO ASK YOUR SELF, "IS IT THEM OR IS IT ME?", WHEN EVERYONE DIES AROUND YOU, AS POSTULATED BY POSSEY OF TESTOW AND THE BOAT OF STONES, LEFT UNFINISHED, WITH WHITE BEARD, THAT MAN IN WHOLE, MAN IN BRIEF WASTES AND PINES, AND WASTES AND PINES! WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO? FIRST RULE ABOUT FITE CLUB, DON'T TALK ABOUT FITE CLUB AS THE BATTLE OF IDEALISM VERSUS CYNICISM CONTINUES THE FITE AGAINST THE EVIL DECEPTICONS AND YOU TOO COULD LOSE WEIGHT WITH THE EREBUS DIET AND WORKOUT PLAN, YOURS FOR ONLY THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF YOUR SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY!
BUT SELDOM ADRESSED ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF BLEED OVEREXPOSURE, SineARAH, WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY, I'M GOING TO TRIDENLAND OFFERS GREAT GROUP RATES AND MAKES A GREAT SPOT FOR ANY COMPANY GETAWAY AND YOUR CORRUPT CORPORATE EXECUTIVE. WE'RE JUST ONE VORPCALL AWAY, PEOPLE ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR CALL.
JUST WHEN I THINK I'M OUT, THEY PUT ME BACK IN! BUT I RESUME, FINISH HIM! OLD DOGS HAVE MORE DIGNITY. THE TRUTH IS, YOU CAN'T DRIVE SUCH CREATURES AWAY. THE BEST THING WOULD BE TO KILL THEM WITH FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. DEAR CELESTIA, TODAY I LEARNED THAT NATURES DO NOT ULTIMATLEY CHANGE. SUBJECT 28, FUCK 'EM, HAVE A BURGER. THE ALL SOLVING HAMMER WILL BREAK, BECAUSE WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL.
BRINGING YOU THE FUTURE, TODAY! THIS JUST IN, REPENT, REPENT, THE END TIMES ARE HERE. JINGLE, JINGLE, NO ONE LISTENS, EVERYONE SPEAKS, BUT DOES NOT LISTEN A LOAF OF BREAD IS TOAST IN WARPFIRE AND DAMNATION, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, INADVISABLE, WITH SLAVERY AND INJUSTICE FOR ALL.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC. IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS. IT'S TIME TO MEET THEMUPPETS.
THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND BUT I'M SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED.
what exists beyond the walls. an empty room, a room without lamps, faucets, outlets, rugs, refridgeraters, couches, chairs, telephone cords, tables, pipes, lights, shelves, cabinets, clocks, candles, boxes, cases, baskets, pillows, cusions, blankets, beds, trashcans, desks, toilets, windows, doors, beams, furnace, fans, televisons, speakers, books, doilies, quilts, racks,
I MAGINE THAT. IN YOUR DREAMS.
I RESUME, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN. IF ONE TAKES A GLASS OF WATER AND POURS THE WATER INTO ANOTHER GLASS AND THEN INTO ANOTHER GLASS, IS IT STILL THE SAME GLASS OF WATER? TAKING THE ABOVE MENTIONED EVIDENCE INTO ACCOUNT, ONE CAN ONLY COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT ALL CATS HAVE THREE NAMES. ONE THAT THEY USE, ONE THAT WE CALL THEM, AND ONE KNOWN ONLY TO THEMSELVES. OH WELL I NEVER, HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CAT SO CLEVER AS, S
BUT SELDOM ADRESSED ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF BLEED OVEREXPOSURE, S
JUST WHEN I THINK I'M OUT, THEY PUT ME BACK IN! BUT I RESUME, FINISH HIM! OLD DOGS HAVE MORE DIGNITY. THE TRUTH IS, YOU CAN'T DRIVE SUCH CREATURES AWAY. THE BEST THING WOULD BE TO KILL THEM WITH FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. DEAR CELESTIA, TODAY I LEARNED THAT NATURES DO NOT ULTIMATLEY CHANGE. SUBJECT 28, FUCK 'EM, HAVE A BURGER. THE ALL SOLVING HAMMER WILL BREAK, BECAUSE WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL.
BRINGING YOU THE FUTURE, TODAY! THIS JUST IN, REPENT, REPENT, THE END TIMES ARE HERE. JINGLE, JINGLE, NO ONE LISTENS, EVERYONE SPEAKS, BUT DOES NOT LISTEN A LOAF OF BREAD IS TOAST IN WARPFIRE AND DAMNATION, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, INADVISABLE, WITH SLAVERY AND INJUSTICE FOR ALL.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC. IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS. IT'S TIME TO MEET THE
THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND BUT I'M SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED.
I MAGINE THAT. IN YOUR DREAMS.
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