WHaT I dId OvER MY Summer vacation

-JAN 1,

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year! The annual complex party was BAWS, I vomited eggnog EVERYWHERE! Yeah, Ern didn't really like that....But even he couldn't stay mad with the spread Gran put out. I've never heard of ANYONE who can resist her cooking. dude, I don't even know how that much food can come out of one kitchen

new theory: Gran is actually a Time Lord and the kitchen is her TARDIS.

Even Roomie seems, dare I say it, HAPPY today. or at least I haven't heard him groan or moan all day.


-JAN 3,

Dear Diary,

Saw the Spider Sisters talking to Gran this evening. God, couldn't they have talked to her at a reasonable hour? They creep me the fuck out, and I don't like them being all alone with Gran like that, even if it is just to rent another room.

Geez, that's the whole third floor they've bought out now for their bug collection.


-JAN 12,

Dear Diary,

Ugh. Roomie's poetry club starts up again today. Why do they have to meet here?!

Just kill me now.


-JAN 13,

Dear Diary,

How hard is it to use a Goddamn coaster?! That table was teak, damnit!


-JAN 17,

Dear Diary,

SHOPPING LIST, NOTE TO SELF:
-bread
-eggs
-breaded eggs
-coffee
-carrot sticks
-Belvarian clam jelly
- banana guacomole
-energon
-eye of newt
-pipe cleaner
-oranges
-crow
-lean cut of horsemeat
-2x blue rubies
-18lbs tapioca pudding
-toilet paper


-JAN 28,

Dear Diary,

Work is haaaaaaard. Why can't any hot girls work in my departmet. They're all in IT, s'not fair.


-FEB 2,

Dear Diary,

Roomies going on about existential angst and the stifling of the creative mind again. Seriously contemplating blugeoning him to death with my cereal spoon. If only it wouldn't leave such a huge mess for Ern to clean up. 'cuz it might make him start leaving alligators in the bathtub again.


-FEB 16,

Dear Diary,

Saw a goat today. Kinda wierd to see one in the dimension of coke and glass.


-FEB 22,

Dear Diary,

I got to hang out with the coolest of coolest bros, and my best friend, SHUMA GORATH!!!!!!!

he kinda ragged on the Bar the whole time though. Kinda a downer. But Still! Allways a totally awesome day to see him.


note: cancel tennis practice tomorrow. You can't play with one eye, silly! That's what you get for being an idiot and questioning Shuma Gorath~     idiot idiot stupid pig hog idiot why can't you do anything right

Ugh, Roomie's drunk up all the coffee again. I hate when he does that, he knows I need it when i hafta work late! I even made five pots. Dude's, like, addicted or sumpthin.


-MARCH 4,

Dear Diary,

Dusted hat collection. I think I'll wear my favorite hat today. Sine gave it to me! That's what makes it my favorite!


-MARCH 17

Dear Diary,

I do not know what to do. I do not want to hate Sine. But everyone is saying she is a bad person, and I thought we got rid of the bad person in Sine so she was good now, but everyone says she is bad.

But she's not a bad person! She gave me a hat, and bad people do not give me hats!

But I didn't say that. Beacuse I didn't want Jonesy to hate me and I didn't want them to get mad and call me bad person and hate me

Because I'm stupid, and can't think for myself, I can't do anything right I'm sorry SineJonesy You SWINE PIG! USELESS HANGER-ON PARASITE! Where do YOU get off on judging others when youre so SHALLOW just go with the crowd WORTHLESS


-April 1,

Dear Diary,

APRIL FOOLS!~

I made you think I was going to write in you, BUT THEN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!1!!!111!






im lonely.


-April 7,

Dear Diary,

I should do something nice for Jonesy. She just got out of the hospital and people made of flesh are so fragile. I bet those mean paparazzi are already pestering her again and making her feel even worse.

I got it!~

I will make them all go away and then everyone will be happy again.

And then I'll have cake because cake is totally awesome.



-----

---ROUGHLY AN HOUR LATER, JONESY'S PRIVATE MESSAGING INBOX---

HELLO, JONESY. YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE!

Message sent by: LightHospital.sever/privateline

Contents of message: "Mrs. Svilzerian, would you care to explain to me why a growing total of thirty men and women have entered my hospital with no common connection; other than being in critical condition via internal trauma, a career in journalism, and having at some point worked on a news item about you and/or your husband? A prompt answer would be most appreciated, as it is quickly growing tiresome to keep this information from going public."

PLEASEDONOTATTWMPTTOADJUSTYOURTELEVISIONSET

DONOTPANIC. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR MINDS IN THE UPRIGHT OPEN POSITION UNTIL NORMAL SANITY IS RESUMED.

LIES BEGIN AND END WITH THOUGHT. THEREFORE, ONE MAY THEORISE THAT IF WE TRULY WERE CREATED BY A PERSONAL GOD OF DIVINE APATHIA, DIVINE ATHAMBIA, DIVINE APHASIA, WHO LOVES US DEARLY, AS POSTULALTED BY PUNCHER AND WATTMAN, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN, OVER AND OVER THE ROILING WAVES I SAW A FISHWIFE, WILD AND FAIR. SHE SAT PRIMLY ON A ROCK, COMBING PEARLS FROM HER HAIR. SHE FLASHED US A COQUETTISH GRIN, AND ALL OUR HEARTS DID FLUTTER. OH IF BUT WE’D ONLY KNOWN, THE GRIN WAS FOR HER SUPPER AND SPORTS OF ALL KINDS SUCH AS JOGGING, SKIING, ROWING, SKATING, BOWLING, PARAGLIDING, CLIMBING, CRICKET GAMES OF ALL SORTS, BALLOONING, GRAPPLING, DANCING, RIDING, FISHING, HUNTING, DIVING, RACING, THROWING, DYING, SAILING, PARACHUTING, AND TIDDLYWINKS.

I RESUME, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN. IF ONE TAKES A GLASS OF WATER AND POURS THE WATER INTO ANOTHER GLASS AND THEN INTO ANOTHER GLASS, IS IT STILL THE SAME GLASS OF WATER? TAKING THE ABOVE MENTIONED EVIDENCE INTO ACCOUNT, ONE CAN ONLY COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT ALL CATS HAVE THREE NAMES. ONE THAT THEY USE, ONE THAT WE CALL THEM, AND ONE KNOWN ONLY TO THEMSELVES. OH WELL I NEVER, HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CAT SO CLEVER AS, SineQUID, EVENTUALLY YOU'VE GOT TO ASK YOUR SELF, "IS IT THEM OR IS IT ME?", WHEN EVERYONE DIES AROUND YOU, AS POSTULATED BY POSSEY OF TESTOW AND THE BOAT OF STONES, LEFT UNFINISHED, WITH WHITE BEARD, THAT MAN IN WHOLE, MAN IN BRIEF WASTES AND PINES, AND WASTES AND PINES! WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO? FIRST RULE ABOUT FITE CLUB, DON'T TALK ABOUT FITE CLUB AS THE BATTLE OF IDEALISM VERSUS CYNICISM CONTINUES THE FITE AGAINST THE EVIL DECEPTICONS AND YOU TOO COULD LOSE WEIGHT WITH THE EREBUS DIET AND WORKOUT PLAN, YOURS FOR ONLY THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF YOUR SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY!

BUT SELDOM ADRESSED ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF BLEED OVEREXPOSURE, SineARAH, WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY, I'M GOING TO TRIDENLAND OFFERS GREAT GROUP RATES AND MAKES A GREAT SPOT FOR ANY COMPANY GETAWAY AND YOUR CORRUPT CORPORATE EXECUTIVE. WE'RE JUST ONE VORPCALL AWAY, PEOPLE ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR CALL.

JUST WHEN I THINK I'M OUT, THEY PUT ME BACK IN! BUT I RESUME, FINISH HIM! OLD DOGS HAVE MORE DIGNITY. THE TRUTH IS, YOU CAN'T DRIVE SUCH CREATURES AWAY. THE BEST THING WOULD BE TO KILL THEM WITH FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. DEAR CELESTIA, TODAY I LEARNED THAT NATURES DO NOT ULTIMATLEY CHANGE. SUBJECT 28, FUCK 'EM, HAVE A BURGER. THE ALL SOLVING HAMMER WILL BREAK, BECAUSE WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL.

BRINGING YOU THE FUTURE, TODAY! THIS JUST IN, REPENT, REPENT, THE END TIMES ARE HERE. JINGLE, JINGLE, NO ONE LISTENS, EVERYONE SPEAKS, BUT DOES NOT LISTEN A LOAF OF BREAD IS TOAST IN WARPFIRE AND DAMNATION, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, INADVISABLE, WITH SLAVERY AND INJUSTICE FOR ALL.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC. IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS. IT'S TIME TO MEET THE MUPPETS.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND BUT I'M SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED.

what exists beyond the walls. an empty room, a room without lamps, faucets, outlets, rugs, refridgeraters, couches, chairs, telephone cords, tables, pipes, lights, shelves, cabinets, clocks, candles, boxes, cases, baskets, pillows, cusions, blankets, beds, trashcans, desks, toilets, windows, doors, beams, furnace, fans, televisons, speakers, books, doilies, quilts, racks,

I MAGINE THAT. IN YOUR DREAMS.

Jobs Sister Alice should never ever EVER have

--Commedian--

"-at's when I realized I was wearing her bra! A bada-bum, you get that dipshits? Yeah, I see that guy in third row knows what I'm talking about, the pervert! I can smell you getting hot and bothered from here. The Hell kind of stuff you get off to, Grannys Gone Wi-"

"BOO! You suck!"

"...Excuse me. Did you just interrupt me? Are you heckling me? Shut up! It was a retorical question, numbnuts. Do you get your jollies off of heckling old ladies? Does it make you feel big? Does it fill the void of your monotonous nine to five job? Does it make those hours for you sitting glass eyed and slackjawed at a computer screen regretting you never went for that degree easier? But you know, really, why you never got that degree. You could have gotten it if you applied yourself, but you were too busy chasing skirts. You bagged and tagged yourself a college sweetheart alright, but youg love tends sour so quickly, doesn't?

"You hate her and can't but help to to see her face attributed to your failures, and you know it's wrong and hate yourself for it. The only joy in your life is fantasizing about the sweet young thing your boss has hired on as his secretary. You dream of steamy encounters in the copy room, and everyday, you work yourself up to ask her out. But you don't. And you never will. Now quit your blubbering and get the fuck out of my auditorium.

".....Wasn't that juicy stuff audience? Seeing as I seem to have overstayed my welcome, hows about a little histroy trivia. In Ye Days of Olde and Shite, jesters were the only ones who could tell the King and Queen the truth without fear of execution. Usually."



--Kids' TV Show Personality--

"Hey kids, today we're going to learn about the letter 'F'."


--Charity Event Organiser--

"...The fuck is this? Two hundred bucks? I wouldn't wipe wipe my ass with your two hundred bucks. I don't think you quite understand the scope of things there. You see that. That's a motherfucking panda. It's cute and adorable and the national symbol of China. You wanna be the fucker who goes down in history as a mass panda murdering sociopath. You wanna be remmebered as the guy rememberd by kids as 'Mom, wy aren't there any pandas anymore', except he'd say it sounding way more diseased sounding because kids are fucking disgusting, and then the Mom'd go 'Oh I'm sorry honey but this fucker killed 'em all!' Is that what you want? You are going to give until it hu-THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?! DONATE OR I'LL RIP YOUR GODDAMN THROAT OUT WITH MY TEETH!....A wise choice, sir. You an' me, we are going to save some mother fucking pandas."

--Walmart Greeter--

"Welcome to Walmart, get your shit and get out........................God, I hate Walmart."

Weeping May Stay for The Night

His hands ached from the cold. Or maybe it was the rubbing. But he couldn't stop. He'd been washing his hands in the church's shared dingy bathroom for twenty minutes now. But he couldn't stop. He could still smell the blood. Years and years and years and years and years later, and he could still smell the blood. He had it down to routine now, wash and scrub and rub until he couldn't stand the cold of the water anymore-cold water was always best for blood, he'd scrubbed it out of enough floors to know-and then he'd towel off and rub and scratch and then he'd want to take a step to leave.

 but he wouldn't. He'd turn back to the sink and start the process anew. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and scratch and tear and then he'd realise.

Staring at his shaking hads, he'd realise the blood was his own.

He'd stay that way for a while and then he'd wring out the towel-doing his best to ignore how closely the motion mirrored the practiced action of wringing a neck-and he'd get a rag cloth and scrub the blood out of the basin.

When all was done, he'd go back downstairs with his best smile on his face and someone would ask him what took so long. He'd make a joke and they'd all laugh not ask anymore about it. He'd talk and laugh and feast as well as any of them, until all eventually succumbed to fatigue. He'd see each one as they slowly trickled out personally, the very face of hospitality, as he asked after their grandmothers and aunts.

They'd all leave happy and well fed, and then he'd turn out the lights and finally retire to his own bed.

Then he'd just lay there and stare at the ceiling for a while. He'd forgotten how to cry a long time ago-but that was okay, he didn't have anyomore tears left to shed-and he'd wait for release that never came.

 And rinse and repeat.









....Hrm, I'm not really satisfied with this one. Somethings missing, I think.

Erosion

Wall sometimes worried that, somewhere, something had gone terribly wrong. None of his friends ever seemed to remember that there was a time when they would have been more likely to raise a frothing glass of questionable liquid instead of heavy artillery at the others arrival. Humans just changed too fast for him to keep up.

He was sure Father Squid had explained the root of these sudden changes back near the beginning of  things. Back when Wall could still understand what what the old priest said sometimes. Not that Wall needed to be told how things started, he was there, and his memory ran long. Not as long as, say, Sister Alice's but still quite farther a than a human's. He wished he could just ask Sister Alice about all this; she'd been dealing living among humans far longer than he had.

But Sister Alice didn't talk much anymore.

He wished he didn't think so much, he certainly didn't used to, but here where nothing ever seemed to change; it was the only thing left for him to do. God, he missed being able to move about as freely as whatever whims took hold of him.

Oh sure, there were upsides to being a whole building now instead of just one dinky wall, he'd certainly never been more powerful, but it came at the cost his former forms mobility.

But all that paled before all the purpose he had now. No longer Shuma Gorath's annoying tag-along, or everybeings little cosmic joke, he had drive now.

Jaxx had given him direction and he would not fail. Not that he was quite sure exactly how he fit into the ex-sentinnel's plans, but he didn't anyone truly new where they stood in Jaxx's equation of the new order.

David certainly didn't. The trader was always so jumpy around Jaxx anymore. Almost like he was afraid of him. It all seemed kind of silly, but David had never been known for making sense. Why, he wouldn't Dave wouldn't even answer him, whenever the traitorder was summoned to the fortress, when he asked him whenever Dave could use the little nifty machine he'd adapted from Sine's Fictioncraft to restore him to his priror form. He'd just keep ignore him, keep his head down and keep walking. He wasn't very sure he liked David much anymore.

Shield! That was it. Or at least the answer to something. It was something Father Squid said that he could actually understand.

Yes, he would be Jax's Mausoleum of Madness and shield him from anything that would keep from finishing.....whatever it is he's been doing all this time, sitting on his throne and grinning.

It was all enough to make Wall worry, sometimes, that something had gone horribly wrong somewhere.

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A MAN THAT DIED

Suddenly, Plot. PLOT EVERYWHERE

Hopefully they're not too intrusive. I've designed them more like side-quests, so they won't suddenly spring up unless they're being actively persued. Well except Baa Ram Ewe, which has mostly been delayed due to lack of free time.

QUESTS ACTIVATED

And Be All My Sins Remembered---Father Squid, ongoing

Broken Mold---Sister Alice, ongoing

Trauma--Dr. Albrecht, ongoing

The Hammer of Argentina---Ernesto Delgada, COMPLETED.  a little side-story to TRAUMA

BaaRamEwe---sheep, ongoing

Anyway just a little spot to complain, go WTF?! or ask about any of these so far.

EDIT: And Now, back by demand!

Talking to a Wall!!---Wall!!, definitely the least intrusive of any of these, won't start until next year.